Nothing is easy for those suffering from neurological diseases, least of all finding a life partner. And with marriage with such patients still looked down upon, it forces them to hide their illness, leading to future discord. In order to change all that, a former student of KEM hospital’s psychiatry department has created a website, www.manomarriage.com, to help such patients find their soul mates.
Applicants have to register online with a doctor’s certificate, which gets verified by a team working for the website. They must also provide complete details regarding their illness. Even those having physical challenges, like visual handicap and skin diseases, can register on this site. In fact, a person without any medical illness also can register if s/he has no qualms about marrying someone suffering from neurological or other diseases.
“The website offers a platform for patients to interact, voluntarily disclose all facts regarding their respective illnesses, and then, go further towards solemnising the match with full understanding and reasonable expectations, to avoid future disappointments and sufferings for both families,” said Dr Avinash Joshi, who started the site a year back, now practising in Nagpur.
“The main purpose of marriage is not just to have sex and bear children; it’s also companionship, security, comforts of home, emotional support, and caring and sharing.”
The right fit
Meet Abhishek Joshi*. This 32-year-old has been undergoing treatment for paranoid schizophrenia for the last 10 years. His parents had been facing an uphill task trying to find a match for him, until manomarriage.com. A month back, they found a suitable girl, who suffers from a reproductive illness.
“We tried on various sites, but people still consider such illnesses a taboo and refuse any alliance. On this website, we went through a few profiles and found this girl. We are in talks for marriage; hopefully, things will work out,” said his father.
Dr Joshi said that so far 45 have registered on the website. “We get patients from across the country,” he added.
Speaking about a recent request he received for registration, he narrated the story of Vikram Rao*, a 28-year-old engineer from Karnataka.
Last year, Rao was diagnosed with cancer in his testicles, following which the left one was removed. “He has recovered completely; his cancer was diagnosed at an early stage. He didn’t even undergo chemotherapy. But the illness itself, coupled with the fact that he has only one testicle, stopped anyone from agreeing to marry him. Now, he is all geared up to find a match through the website,” said Dr Joshi.
In this together
The good doctor said he has been reaching out to psychiatrists and gynaecologists across the state to join hands and widen the website’s reach.
“I have been reaching out to doctors across the state to make all of their patients aware of the website. Perhaps, this is a better way of rehabilitation — two families sharing the load of disability with full transparency, preventing future legal battles,” he said.
Dr Sagar Mundada, a psychiatrist from KEM hospital and president of Indian Medical Association (Youth), Maharashtra, who has joined the campaign with Dr Joshi, said, “Many times, people tend to hide their psychiatric problems while going for marriage proposals. This increases the stigma around the illness. By declaring it in public, it helps to establish trust, which is crucial for marriage; it nullifies any taboo and helps the couple to plan their future well. Such an initiative must be appreciated.”
(*Patients’ names have been changed to protect identities)
BOX
It’s hush-hush
Psychiatrists say one of the commonest reasons of divorce is at least one partner having a neurological disorder. With parents of such patients desperately pushing to get them married over the belief that their son or daughter will get better after marriage, and subsequently, hiding about their illness during talks, is what paves the way for future discord between couples, they add. Doctors also say that in many cases even the treatment is stopped after marriage, either over the same belief or fear over consequences following its revelation, leading to a relapse of it in the patient. While those who continue to seek treatment after marriage face constant pressure and victimisation.
VOICES
A divorcee from Mumbai
‘I got divorced six years back and have been single since. Now, I am ready to remarry… if I can marry someone suffering from something and give her a new life, why not? Often, I have seen people stereotype divorced people, so imagine the discrimination people suffering from mental illnesses must be going through’
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